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2nd Sep 09 - Last Entry

It's been more than 6 months since I last log in to blog. This will be my last entry. So much things had happened, I had made several decisions which changed my life. Some were old decisions and some are new. I keep asking myself if these are the right decisions. I believe the recent fall dropped me to the lowest point of my life, and at one stage which I almost lost everything. I almost made a decision which will put an end to everything. But those events are still very clear in my mind especially those people around me, my family, my loved ones and my friends. I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping I have made the right decision this time round.

Good bye.

10th Feb 09 - Its just another day

Went to watch "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" yesterday. It is indeed a very nice and touching show and you can understand and feel what is true love. A show truly worth to be recommended.

My family members are ill.. My sister, my brother, my mother, my nephew and my grandma, everyone is unwell. I forgo my swimming session this evening and ferry them for medical consultation since afternoon. There's nothing much worth mentioning for today, and I am again alone at home right now..

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day...

7th Feb 09 - Lonely Sleepy Boring

好久好久好久好久好久没写博客。。。 真的好久。。
不过。。 不在乎过去。。我终于马上就写博客!!!
好。 好。。 废话太多了!!
写!

First of all, Happy "NIU" Year to all !!!

Let's recap on the year 2008.
My year 2008 kicks off with a "Bang" and it ends with a "Bang" too.
I seems to go on a rollercoast which brings to the highest peak and fall all the way down.
Going through this entire journey on rollercoaster, has resulted myself to evolve. I can say that year 2008 is a year in my entire life, I encountered the most problems.
Happiness and joy. Sadness and fear. Anger and hatred. It's indeed a year filled with mixed feelings.

As of today, nothing is going smooth for me. I ever wondered why this is happening on me. I know very clearly my problems or issues aren't as severe as concerning life and death, but it is critical to me.

I know clearly the rational of not being serious in something and never place effort in doing it, in the event if I failed, I ought to blame no one but myself. Because I brought it upon myself for not placing enough effort. But why is it that when I am serious and put effort in to make something works and yet the results still backfired?? Over the years, I have made numerous regretful decisions, but I have to accept all the mistakes and outcome. Recently I went to a place which I used to hang with a good friend of mine. I posted a question to him, if we can turn back time, when do you wanna turn the clock back till. While asking this, I have prepared an answer for myself. On the other hand, I asked myself, if I am happy and contented with my current life, I would not want to turn back time. But I do indeed wanted to if I have the chance and I shall not shared on my reason here.

I asked myself again, what have I actually achieved at my current age.
5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
I count down for 5 secs, my mind is still blank! It seems that I have wasted my life till now. I always have been doing things for others and what others want, and I have never really fight or to achieve for something which I wanted for myself. I knew I have passion for several things, but I have yet done any. I'm really wasting the entire year of 2008 or my life till now.

Now its the 38th day of year 2009. Let me share this, I'm out of job! With the current economic crisis having global impact, I really can cut cake and pop champagne to celebrate if I managed to secure a job. For this 38 days, I do nothing but swimming. I swim at least thrice weekly, and told myself that I ought to live a different lifestyle, a healthier lifestyle. I do read books now, not comics ok!!

In the year 2009, I have only 3 plans ahead. I categorised all as achievements if I did it.

a) Bring my career to a new height
b) Swim at least thrice a week
c) To further studies

The priorities are in the descending order accordingly. Soon I am hitting the age of 30, I can't simply continue my lifestyle as 2008 or earlier. I do have several personal issues which need serious attention to look into and to be resolved.

I hope this year will a better year for me. I just wanna live happily, with lesser problems and lesser issues if possible (the best is no problems and no issues), material gains are additional bonuses to me. Several materials are a necessity to me but it does not need to be luxurious.

有时候，想什么就去做，也许会更有效，最好别怀疑自己。
即使受到挫折也不轻易放弃，不在乎过去，只要创造未来。

All the best to myself and everyone.
Take care!

Good night...

18th Aug 08 - Lost World II

My mind has been in blank for about 10 minutes before penning down... ...

For the past 3 weeks, my life seems to be in a roller-coaster ride. There are so much of changes in my life. Eyeing something which seems to be losing, comes back suddenly. During the times when I am on break, I am learning to let things go... I felt that feelings are things which is unexplainable. I had millions of words and things to tell, but who can I turn to? Guess here is the final destination which I can head to. Innermost thoughts are always feelings which not everybody wants to face. Eventually I came to understand and realise that, innermost thoughts are the most truthful feelings.

Somehow or rather, I have learnt to sacrifice. I am in the midst of sacrificing myself for whatever is happening. Perhaps the greatest person is not measured by how much you can achieve or gain but is by how much you can sacrifice yourself for others gain.

我爱着谁
爱到我有点醉
告诉我你是谁
能够把我让我变不对
你不会累
但我却爱你爱得好累
从没有为了谁
不顾安危付出一切

Recently came to know that a few of my colleagues are in the same footsteps as mine or I am in the same as them. Their scenario is different from mine. They get into the situation on their own accord. But eventually departure is still the final conclusion for them.

Now I have probably straighten my thoughts. Perhaps for the sake of not for myself, I shall sacrifice my own self to provide more. If this sentence is not understandable, it's absolutely fine. This is also my intention not to make it too clear of this sentence. I will treasure what I have now for these short period as I will be losing it in the coming future...

I believe it should not takes me too long to blog again as this is the only place which I can turn to...

25th May 08 - A Lost World

The last week of May is approaching and we are heading into the month of June which is also meaning, half of the calendar year will be gone.

I just came back from Genting Highlands last weekend. This is the second time I drove up and the trip has been challenging and exciting. I myself enjoyed the weather and temperature the most in Genting and during this trip, I did not patronise the casino or theme park at all. But I took quite a number of photos during this trip as J had recently purchased a new 5MP mobile phone. I will be uploading more photos once I have downloaded those new photos.

17th May 08 - A Hidden Secret resurfaced after 15 years

I never expected this to be a hidden secret over these 15 years.

The story started 16 years ago, in the year 1992... ...

I get to know this twin sisters, at their age, they are considered the 'belle' of the school. I started to introduce myself to get to know the younger sister. There are lots stories going on in between, but eventually all have becomes childhood memories. Yes, I mentioned childhood, at that time, I am only 11 years old. Young right? I am purposely avoiding to use the word 'small'. Anyway, that was my so-called 1st girlfriend. I had my first girlfriend at the age of 11. During that time, of course I do have love rivals, having the liking for the same girl, in fact they were really 'popular' during that time.

I remembered there was once, I heard the rumours of her liking for another guy, and I was really pissed off at the age of 11, and when she knows about my unhappiness, she wrote me a letter (so called love letter) to clarify the misunderstanding. When I thought of all these memories, it is funny as these are really child acts. Anyway the relationship lasted for almost a year and when at the age of 12, I changed my target and go after the sister.

At that time, I get to know a new friend, whom joined the school as a new student. He claims he has excellent results throughout before he joined our school and he was posted to the 2nd best class in the school while myself am in the last 2nd class but eventually our life path crosses and more ridiculous and unbelievable incidents happens from thereafter, and we became buddies or so called blood brothers from then onwards.

Since he is my good friend at that time, without any hidden feelings, I introduced him the 'belle' of the school whom are the twins which I mentioned earlier but since I am going after the elder sister so I introduced him the younger sister. Frankly speaking, he looks pretty alright, not that bad looking so somehow I guessed he should have managed to get to know more about the younger sister and I shall not go into too detailed whether did he succeeded or failed.

Earlier I mentioned, both our life paths crosses ridiculously, and this is an absolutely accurate statement. No one will ever believed what has happened during these years of friendship. Some of the incidents which we all felt that it will only happened on tv dramas, happened in our life. Again, I shall not disclosed what has exactly happened and maybe in the near future I will share these happenings and incidents..

Exactly 2 days back, when we met up for dinner. Out of nowhere, the topic started from the past and without realising anything, I disclosed the fact of receiving such 'love letter' and he was astonished. He never knew or expected that the girl whom I introduced to him 15 years ago was in fact my girlfriend in a year ago. In this current society, who will really introduce his own ex-girlfriend to his good friend? I doubt nobody will and it sounds unbelievable that such incident happened at my age of 12.

Anyway this is really a hidden secret which resurfaced after 15 years and I believed I do still have the letter with me. Perhaps I will published the letter in the near future or in some other posts.

15 years = 180 months = 5475 days = 131400 hours = 7884000 minutes = 473040000 seconds.

Our friendship has lasted 473040000 seconds and it is still going on......